I'd sing along, but I lost my VOICE

Because it's Thursday and I'm still recouping from my weekend of NYC Bachelorette debauchery (I was reminded that I'm not as young as I once was...), I don't have it in me to post much. I will, however, post our wedding CD favor song-list for you, since we finalized it last night:

1. Accidentally in Love / Counting Crows

2. At Last / Etta James

3. I'm Yours / Jason Mraz

4. All I Want Is You / Barry Louis Polisar

5. Such Great Heights / Iron & Wine

6. What a Wonderful World / Louis Armstrong

7. I Melt With You / Modern English

8. That's How Strong My Love Is / Otis Redding

9. Maybe I'm Amazed / Paul McCartney

10. Angel Dream / Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers

11. Brighter Than Sunshine / Aqualung

12. Stand by Me / Ben E. King

13. Not Fade Away / Buddy Holly & The Crickets

14. Harvest Moon / The Hard Lessons

15. Never Let You Down / The Verve Pipe

16. To Make You Feel My Love / Garth Brooks

17. Somewhere Over the Rainbow / Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

18. At My Most Beautiful / R.E.M.

19. Bless the Broken Road / Rascal Flatts

20. All I Want Is You / U2

21. Everything / Alanis Morissette

22. The Luckiest* / Ben Folds

*Our wedding song

And can I just say: OHMYGOD, I'm getting married in 8 days!!!! YAY!!

28 Days

Less than a month to go (!!!) and I keep getting more excited and relaxed as our big day gets closer. Not sure what that's all about, but I've always managed to be a little backwards, so what's new?

One bad thing we just found out: Mark's brother has bowed out of his co-best-man duties. Not the one in Iraq, but the other one. I'm completely heartbroken for Mark, but his brother has his reasons. Let's just say he has some major anxiety and complex issues, and even though we've assured him that things will be fine, he's not able to move past them. Now Mark is working on promoting an usher and asking another friend to step in. *sigh* We will figure it all out, but I just feel so sad for Mark.

I picked up our cake topper from the post office this morning, and the little birds are even MORE precious in person!! Much smaller than I originally thought and very, very sweet. YAY!

Last night we went to the location of our first date - Champps - where we are holding our rehearsal dinner. We wanted to try a few options to offer our guests, and when my salad came out, it was practically as big as my car tire. I laughed, but then...I ATE THE WHOLE THING. Mark ate about 1/4 of his and claimed he was "full." When our waiter came to pick up the plates, I said, "Uh...I ate the whole thing, and I'd like to take the rest of HIS home!" At least my sweetie can't say I don't have a healthy appetite for life! ;o)

The weather is getting warmer and the sun is making more repeat and longer visits. I'm finding it difficult to focus, but also finding it quite hard to be anything but annoyingly cheery. This is the exact reason why I wanted a spring wedding; there is nothing like those first beautiful days after a long, cold winter, and I can't think of a better time to celebrate a new beginning. To say I'm happy would be a vast understatement.

BEHOLD!

I just got the pictures of the cake topper I commissioned "Fancy Little Things" (through Etsy) to make for our wedding, and it's got to be the cutest freaking thing I've ever seen.  Can you even STAND IT?!  *sigh* 

She even put a little bling on the left wing of the lady bird.  OMG!!!  :o) 

Mark and I are definitely  lovebirds, so my vision of this turned out just perfectly.  YAY!! 

5 Weeks

You know I love me some Internet/email, but I was cursing my fluent use of it and little else - pencils and pens, included - as I handwrote the plethora of thank you cards following my bridal shower last weekend. I know this may sound pathetic, but I daresay my right arm got a workout, ya'll...  

Today marks 5 weeks from my wedding day and the closer it gets, the more excited and relaxed I become. If I'm delusional, please don't tell me. I'd like to enjoy this while I can.

My shower was more lovely than I could have imagined, and while there were several people who weren't able to make it (dear, but not necessarily near), I felt so completely loved and fortunate to have so many strong women there who support me so much. There was lots of laughter (when I opened up a nutcracker, my best friend/bridesmaid yelled out, "That's for when Mark gets out of line!"), stories (even one teasing me about adamantly bringing my own handsoap to work...), and eating of delicious food. Once my hand cramps dissipate, I'll be sure to post some photos of the event for you. ;o)

The mini-bachelorette party/slumber party was a BLAST and I don't think I've laughed that much or that hard in a long time. To think I was sober the whole time...I really must be turning into a grown-up, at last.

Oh, did I just hear you start laughing? OK, you're right, I'm nowhere near being a grown-up! Ha!

Still, it's true I will become Mrs. B in less than 40 days. Holy crap, I'm so excited!!!!

Oh...I wanted to take a minute to congratulate MRS. M. (!!!) on her wedding this past Sunday. I can't wait to hear the details, lady! Hope you're enjoying Belize, you lucky biatch. (((HUGS)))

49 Days

49 days from now, I'll be married. As the day nears, I get more and more excited and - thankfully - much more relaxed. Now that I have all the big to-do's out of the way, I'm finally able to focus on the reason for the planning instead of freaking out about all the things I have left to do.

The invitations went out this week. When I dropped them off at the post office, it felt as though I left a couple bricks behind, too. My shoulders needed that.

We emailed our wedding website address to people, too, and the guestbook comments are beginning to flood in. Every time I go on to read them and the emails that follow, I feel loved and blessed to have so many people who support this marriage. In the early days of being engaged, I had dreams during which we arrived to our reception, only to discover barely anyone had bothered to show up. I know that mostly had to do with my panic of not being able to pick a date and begin planning, but still. I don't have those those dreams anymore...

Tomorrow morning, I will have my first wedding dress fitting. I have the shoes and the bra, and even though my stomach isn't as flat as I might like, I'm so excited to feel the alençon lace with my fingertips again, and watch as they pin the dress to my curves, making it all mine, mine, mine.

Tomorrow afternoon, I will attend my bridal shower. Roughly forty of my dear family members and friends will be there to witness me "oooh and ahhh" with each gift opened. The presents aren't the part I'm looking forward to most, though. I can't wait to see all of these women in one room together. These are the women who helped mold me into the women I am today - the one who fits so perfectly with the amazing man I'm about to marry. I wonder: if I hadn't known even one of those people, would I still be that person?...

And then, tomorrow night, we will continue the festivities at a hotel, where there is a mini bachelorette party/slumber party being thrown on my behalf. Since the real party will be in May in New York City (YAY!!), some of the people - my older sister/matron of honor, included - won't be able to attend. Therefore, they wanted to throw me a tamer version, of which I'm sure will turn at least a little wild later in the night. With me, it always does. ;o)

On the eve of these celebrations, I feel so completely happy and excited about this journey before me. I have a man who I love more than I thought possible, who loves me equally and passionately in return. I have dreams and hopes coming true, and even more in the making. With all of the whining I've done about all this wedding planning stress, it makes this stage of the process completely worth it.

In 49 days, I'll marry my best friend and lover, all rolled into one. How lucky am I?!

I need a smack on the head - UPDATED

You know what I wouldn't suggest doing during your stint of stuffing, addressing, and mailing out your wedding invitations? Forgetting to put a stamp on the return RSVP envelopes until AFTER you've sealed them. Yeah...

LEARN FROM MY MISTAKE, my friends!!!!!

*sigh*

UPDATE:

I just realized that I typed "mailing out" in the above sentence, when I actually meant "sealing" the envelopes. Seriously, I need TWO smacks on the head!! The good news is that I realized my mistake before the invitations were actually sent out, and was able to open all the sealed envelopes and put stamps on those bad boys. I'm so glad I caught this so no one had the chance to open my invite and see that I didn't put a stamp on the return envelope. Alas, my dignity remains suspended on it's thin, dangling thread...for now, anyway. ;o)

Shopping = Sucky

I'm a lady - of course, I use the term "lady" lightly here - and like any lady, I like to shop. As a matter of fact, back before I had a house, fiance' and dog, you could find me shopping just about as much as you could find me out drinking with friends and living it up. After all, I was the girl with nineteen pairs of jeans in rotation at any given time (picture this: I used to use my ghetto-booty as a tool to pick up men). Now, I'd rather pop open a bottle of red and chill by the fire with my main man and pup. Between you and me, not only am I surprised by this fact, but also shocked I'm actually willing to admit it.

One thing I'm having a particularly tough time grasping, however, is why the fun has been completely zapped from shopping. Now, I actually view this past-pasttime as a chore. Grocery shopping officially blows and I resort to my corner store for milk and bread more often than not. Clothing shopping gets continually difficult as I remain a 'tweener (not a girl, not yet a woman-willing-to-sport-mom-butt). And lately, I've been introduced to a new kind of shopping: Wedding Shopping.

I ask myself everyday how people managed to plan weddings before the Internet became mainstream. Having said that, I still find myself driving around town an awful lot lately, looking for some obscure and yet-found item I never thought I would ever need. Patina paint? Yes, please! A large flower-shaped paper punch? Don't mind if I do! Mother-of-the-Groom dresses by the boatload to bring Up North for an Easter weekend fashion show (my in-law's live in the sticks, and they like being stuck there)? Uh. Huh.

*sigh* I'm exhausted and I haven't even started gathering RSVP's yet. And don't even bring up the subject of putting together a seating chart because I'll cry, I swear I will!

My wedding planner has mentioned doing personal shopping for me, but I was previously too worried she wouldn't be prudent enough to weed out the tacky. Now? I might enlist her with the wise advice to simply step away from the gold and gaudy. Any advice for a harried wife-to-be? I'm a card-carrying lunatic, and I'm not afraid to use it...

Girls, Girls, Girls!

This past weekend was great. I was supposed to have gone to Chicago to visit my best friend (and bridesmaid), but on Friday afternoon, she called to tell me she was feeling sick and thought it was best that I stay home. Having the weekend suddenly open to do whatever, I quickly got other plans in the works and ended up spending the weekend with some of my favorite ladies in my life.

On Saturday, I went to Grand Rapids to spend time with my mom, sister, aunt, and friend. We went mother-of-the-bride dress shopping (for the THIRD TIME), which has proven to be more difficult than wedding dress shopping! Seriously. There are some fugly dresses out there for mothers' of brides. You would think there would be some options out there that didn't fall under one of two categories:

1. Hoochie of the Bride
2. Granny of the Bride

But, nooooo! There has been no happy medium, thus far.

There was one serious contender (which we actually bought, just in case), but my mom complained about it making her boobs look flattened out. I thought I had just the fix for that, and yelled out loud for everyone to hear, "Cindy (our friend who was there), go grab my mom some cutlets!" Two minutes later, I was stuffing the silicone bra inserts into my mom's bra, with her cracking up the whole time.

Then, to make it all the more hilarious, I went and grabbed one of those full-body suctiony girdle things for my mom try on, since the dress we liked didn't come in her size and we wanted to see how it would look once she lost a couple pounds from the diet she's on right now. Let's just say we monopolized the dressing rooms, and having five women there in one stall? It's fodder for laughs all around (my poor mom)!

We followed up the shopping with lunch and a movie - '27 Dresses.' It was the perfect way to end the day. Sure, we didn't find the perfect dress for my mom, but we're hopeful.

On Sunday, I met up with my other best friend (and bridesmaid) to find shoes for her and my other attendants to wear. We had lunch, shopped, and then went to get mani-pedi's. It was such a nice, relaxing weekend, and I was so happy to be able to make these last minute plans with people who love and care about me.

At one point, I looked around and asked myself, "How can wedding planning be bad when you have women this wonderful to help you?!" I truly felt blessed.

Limits

I learned something new about myself recently: I don't have the mental capacity to attend a bridal show with an open mind. I vowed never to attend one, because I had an inking that this might be the case. However, upon getting a D.J. recommendation from my wedding coordinator, I was told I could get a sizable discount if I went to meet him at a bridal show and signed with him there. And so, this is how I found myself at a bridal show on a Sunday morning.

With mimosa in hand (God bless 'em), we walked around the different booths. I was soon conscious of the fact that I was wrinkling up my nose in judgment quite a bit, a realization I pointed out to Mark (I'd dragged him along for moral support). I felt bad, but every time I approached a new booth, I was greeted with yet more...tacky. SUV limo? Check. Doves in a white cage? Double check. Sparkles and tafetta and feathers? Check. Check. CHECK.

While passing the chair cover lady, we were dragged in to look at her brochure. When I told her where we were holding our reception, she informed us she had two options that fit the chairs available at our location. Pointing out the cheap-looking white option, I asked, "Is that satin?" Excitedly, she nodded her head and said, "Yes!" Without missing a beat, I said, "I don't like satin." Poor lady. Later, when we got into the car, Mark shared with me his version of this exchange:

Me: Is that satin?
Her: Why, yes, IT IS!...
Me: I HATE motherfuckin' satin!!!!

Tee hee...

By the time we found the DJ, I'd had enough. Approaching him and introducing myself, he cheerfully asked us if we were having a good time. Proving - once again - that I have no filter on my brain whatsoever, I responded by miming a twitch (with the head to the side and all) and saying, "Um, not really...these things make me twitch!" Yeah. I fucking rock.

After asking the very nice DJ some information, I was ready to sign on the dotted line. Before doing so, though, I inquired about the equipment set-up. He explained that they had quite the light show, which included roughly eight lights. I must have been blankly staring at him as I thought to myself how excessive that sounded, because he waited a few seconds and then said, "...but...we could always talk about narrowing that down a little?" to which I replied with a hearty, "OK! That'd be great!" It was at that point I finished off the white wine I'd just been handed, looked at Mark and said, "We've got to get out of here...I'm being a bitch."

Everyone? I swear I'm a nice person. And I love pretty things. Dressing up is always fun for me, and I even look forward to putting little bows on presents, etc. Yet, somehow I still can't let myself go "all out" with this wedding planning. I got goosebumps while attending our chapel recently, but I still can't get excited about linens and invitations. I guess I am who I am, but this process has certainly exposed some limitations I didn't know I had.

Pass me another piece of wedding cake, though, and we'll talk.

Progress

I have news. I hired a wedding coordinator this weekend. YAY! When I told Mark how much it would cost (it was a deal, if you ask me), he said, "PERFECT, let's get two!" He's so cute. He maintains that it's worth every penny if it gives me peace of mind, and so far it has done just that.

We've also secured a baker for the cake and met with our pastor since I last posted. I'm on a roll! Funny thing: once I got more details out of the way and stopped thinking about it all so much, I started having fun. Guess I just needed to stop worrying and get moving...

Today at the chapel during the meeting with our pastor, Mark and I were glowing. It was so fun to be in the very place we will get married in just a few short months. When we were asked what made us realize we were each "the one" for the other, I teared up upon hearing what Mark had to say. He is very good at always making me feel loved and appreciated, but hearing the words so specifically spelled out was such a treat. I'd already given my (inferior, IMHO) answer and upon hearing what he so eloquently had to say, I immediately piped up with a "Uhh, can I change my answer to 'What he said'?" I'm such a dork. :o)